Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
