Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
