Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
