She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
