If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
