Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Randomize
