I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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