i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
