You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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