I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
