Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
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I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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