Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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