so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
