I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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