please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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