You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
