he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
