I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
