Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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