How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
