he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Randomize
