My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
