and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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