She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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