don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
