Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
