I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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