I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Your penis caused this!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
