Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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