This is not my ceiling
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
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i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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