My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
