Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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