My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
