I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
