i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
