omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
