Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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