my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
