no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
