Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
