Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
