The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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