i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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