If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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