hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
