Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
