Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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