:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
