I think i peed on brittanys purse
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
