Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
