You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
