And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
