True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
