at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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