So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
