i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Please don't give away my fajitas
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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