I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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