I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize