But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
