i already hear my dad disowning me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
