I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
