Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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